If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
