My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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