P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
