last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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