some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
