I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
