Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
