She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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