is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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