I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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