Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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