I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
