Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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