The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
