Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
