He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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