Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
