I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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