Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
