I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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