so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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