in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
