i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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