She said her name was "party"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize