I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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