apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
