Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
