I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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