YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
