i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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