apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The beer is more important than you right now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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