Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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