Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
