u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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