Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
