what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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