Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
