I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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