We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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