Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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