Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
