i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
