Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
