god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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