Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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