Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize