so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
