I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
