On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
