is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
