She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
