i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
