Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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