Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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