I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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