Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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