I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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