Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
