So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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