I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Boobs speak an international language.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
