one two three fourrrrnication!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize