Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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