VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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