All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
