and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
