Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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