i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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