so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
