she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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