drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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