so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
