Banned from zoo.
Again?
two words...techno handjob
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
