My room smells like vodka and shame
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I cannot find my penis.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if only i could text you this smell
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
