and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
