This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just pee around me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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