Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
