Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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