I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
