oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize