Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
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K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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