You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
